Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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