I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
