Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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