i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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