I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
