They should really pass out barf bags in church
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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