Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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