I just saw a hot homeless man
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
