A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
