hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
