Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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