Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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