ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
