Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
