I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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