I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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