if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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