I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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