Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize