i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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