I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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