he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
