I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
