Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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