Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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