I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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