I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
