i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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