Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
