I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
