I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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