I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize