I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
