I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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