if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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