oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
