chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
