Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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