Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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