We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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