Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im six kinds of drunk right now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
