woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
