i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have tasted many bathrooms
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
