Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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