if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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