I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
