His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
