she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
