She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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