sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
