the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
