she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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