He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
