we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
