Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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