WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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