he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
