Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
