Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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