I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize