I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
