my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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